These past couple of weeks I have noticed a theme with both my clients and myself - our self-care has fallen by the wayside. It happens, especially when we are exerting a lot of energy in caring for others or trying to juggle too many things at once. Sometimes we need someone or something to give us a reality check. For me, it's been my body practically screaming at me to slow down. For you, perhaps it's something different - a cold you just can't shift, difficulty sleeping, feeling tired but wired or feeling overwhelmed by things you'd normally just get on with.
These are all signs that some self-care is needed. I'm not talking about fancy self-care like massages or bubble baths (though these can be great too). I'm talking about the boring, nitty gritty self-care that your future self will thank you for. Things like paying the bill that's been playing on your mind, turning off the TV a bit earlier and getting to bed (even if you feel you earned your grownup time), eating a proper breakfast that actually carries you through the morning, having that difficult conversation with your partner/parent/friend, ringing the doctor to talk about that health issue you've been ignoring and the list goes on.
Now, I am no fool. I know these things are easier said than done. BUT the reality is that we are grown ass women! The responsibility of looking after ourselves lies solely with us (literally why do we wish to be grown ups when we are children when this is the reality!!). For those of you who are caregivers you may feel guilty about putting your needs first but if you don't take care of you, how can you help others? What good will you be to the people you care for if you get ill or burned out? Caregiving can be very rewarding. It can bring you a sense of worth, make you feel like you're contributing something valuable and meaningful. Caregiving is important work. It also takes a lot of time and energy. It's physically and emotionally stressful. It's also important to know that whilst the previous statements may resonate with you - your role as a caregiver should not be the only reason you start to prioritise your needs. You deserve to be and need to be cared for too.
So, if it's not about massages and bubble baths how do you even do it? Where do you start?
First, it's important to reframe the way you think about self-care practices. They're not luxuries. They are necessities. Life is stressful and is forever throwing new stressors at us. We can't eliminate all the stressors from our lives but we can adopt self-care practices that help us become more resilient in dealing with them. They are quite literally the anchors that ground us and help us weather the storms of life. Different sized anchors are needed during different storms. Ergo, different self-care practices are needed for different circumstances.
Enter: the self-care menu. A place for you to compile all of the self-care practices and techniques that you have and can pick of choose from where appropriate. Below are some examples but the best ones are the ones that you come up with yourself and are specific to you, your routine and your lifestyle.
Get to bed at a reasonable time as consistently as you can. Sleep is king when it comes to how we are able to respond to the stressors in our lives.
Take time to process your thoughts and feelings (journal, meditate, chat to a counsellor or therapist, have a cry!)
Feed yourself enough food, consistently. It's much easier to deal with life when you're well fed. This might mean prepping your breakfast the night before, packing your lunch or making sure you book your food delivery slot in advance to make sure you actually have the fuel you need on hand.
Move your body in whatever way feels right for you in this season of life (this can be a walk, yoga, a big run, an intense class or a heavy weights session - whatever floats your boat) Remember that exercise is a stress on the body and depending on your overall stress load it can be perceived as either positive and a great outlet or negative and further add to your stress
Making sure you have set up direct debits so your bills autopay.
Take some time for yourself on a daily basis without interruptions. Maybe you get up a little earlier than anyone else in your household to have a coffee or spend 30 minutes in your room while your partner hangs out with the kids. It's amazing what some quiet time will do to reset and feel ready to tackle life.
Make time to do something you love. Something that feeds your soul and makes you feel like YOU. Play music, create something with your hands, get out in nature, spend time with friends. Whatever it is - do it regularly.
These are just some examples for my own self-care menu and from past clients but as I said before the best kind is the one that you make yourself to suit you. So grab a pen and paper and write out 3-5 the practices that you already do as well as ones you'd like to add and then get to doing it! Implement one new one at a time and work on being more consistent with the ones you already do.
Got some great ideas? Pop them in the comments below!
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